As part of our “Back to School” series on online dating, we present to you a great method of successfully going out on your first date from eHarmony (or any other online dating site for that matter).
When it comes to first dates, you need to keep it “light and breezy.” If you get too serious too quickly, or stray off into the proverbial deep end, you risk turning the other person off at best, or scaring them away at worst. If you haven’t been out on a date in a while, there’s a good chance you’ll be a bit rusty, and an even greater chance that you’ll be more than a bit nervous.
It’s ok to inform your date that you’ll probably be a bit nervous -as they will appreciate the ice breaker and most likely respond that they’ll be a bit nervous as well. Nervousness on the first date is a good thing. It keeps you on your toes and keeps the electricity in the air.
When it comes to what to say during the first date, there is a good chance you’ll run out of conversational material. That’s perfectly normal, especially if both you and your partner are the introvert types. Try picking out 4-5 subjects that you both share an interest in. This way you’ll have something to talk about that interests you both.
You should also listen more than you talk. Listening is an important part of good, effective communication on the first date. It will allow you to keep the conversation going for a long while as you can ask follow-up questions based on what they just told you. Try not to talk about yourself too much as well, or it could come off as you being self-centered.
As far as the “don’ts” are concerned when it comes to conversations and a 1st date:
- Don’t talk about money. It will make you seem shallow, even if you’re not.
- Don’t talk about ex girlfriends or ex boyfriends unless asked. If asked, don’t start slamming them and talking a bunch of negative crap about them. It makes you look jaded and petty.
- Don’t offer to take your date back to your house or apartment – it will make you look like you’re just out for one thing.
- Don’t be rude to the waiters, or waitresses. Remember, your date is watching and judging you (often subconsciously) as much as you’re watching and judging them.
- Don’t get too deep in conversation. Keep the tone of conversation to where it’s fun and not super serious.
- Don’t talk about politics. In this charged political climate that we live in….people often make unfair and snap judgements about others who have a different political opinion than they do. If the subject of “Trump” or “Obama” comes up, be as middle-of-the-road as you can be and move onto the next topic of conversation. It’s not worth it as nothing you say or do will change anything political.
Now that we have the “don’t do’s” out of the way, here are 20 great questions you can ask on the first date. If you want, bookmark this site and if your date goes to the bathroom or gets up to go get another coffee, you can sneak a peek to remind yourself of some great questions to ask them. Just don’t whip out your cell phone while you’re talking to them. It will make you look rude.
20 great first date questions:
- Ask them questions about their ancestors. When did they come to America? Why did they come?
- Ask them what their favorite foods are.
- Ask them what their favorite past times or hobbies are.
- Ask them where they see themselves in 10 years from now.
- Do they have any pet peeves?
- What kinds or types of guys/gals do they normally find themselves dating or attracted to?
- Have they figured out what they want to do in life?
- How long was their longest relationship/
- Do they want children?
- Are their parents still married?
- Do they perform any charitable work?
- How would they describe their relationship with their family members?
- What makes them happy?
- What do they like to do on a Saturday night if they were to stay at home?
- What is their favorite food?
- Do they like their job? Where would they like to be career-wise in 5-10 years from now?
- Do they like or get along with their boss or co-workers?
- What’s the most spontaneous thing they have ever done?
- Have they lived anywhere else besides the city you currently live in?
- Do they have any pets?
Going out on a first date can be nerve-wracking. Just keep in mind that your date is probably as nervous as you are. With that being said, take it very slow and try to be as relaxed as possible. While alcohol may seem like a good way to get rid of the first date jitters, it can lead you or your date to say things you might later regret. Coffee or another activity where you have plenty of time to converse is usually the best 1st date idea that you can do.